The word count for this post is 666! It’s time for Halloween!

This is a super-special post in honor of October 1st. I’m not planning to chat this much on a regular basis.

Halloween is coming and I’m already saving money for treats. We live on one of two streets affectionately dubbed “Candy Alley” and while we’re definitely not at our peak anymore since so many people have moved and non-Halloweeny folk have taken their places, there are still several houses that participate and it’s enough to be a draw. Last year we had more than 250 kids, some of whom came from 20+ miles away. We strongly feel that if they’re going to make the effort to get to us, we need to make their effort worthwhile. Our plan for this year is as follows:
The first weekend in Oct, we’ll decorate indoors and out. Thanks to the 3 How To Haunt Your House books that I just found (HOW did I not KNOW about these?), we’re going to have some exciting new props this year. Murderface & Jethro will be out again; they scare the heck out of people in the daylight hours mostly because Murderface has that humany shape and the neighbors forget he’s there so he always comes as a surprise. Good fun all around. For us. Not so much for the neighbors and their weak hearts. We’ll have all our old standbys at hand, as well, and the place will positively gleam (gloom?) with sinister creepiness.
On the evening of the 30th, we’ll carve a bunch of Jack-o-Lanterns.

Yes. We carved these.

This year, we plan to have some good ones from the farm and we grew one ourselves that I might not actually be able to cut because it is like our baby.
Most important, though, are the tricks. This is Gabe’s tradition; the first year we were together, he offered kids a choice between cans of baked beans and stewed tomatoes when they came to the door. Their reactions were delightful (some not quite so much) and the monsterlings with the better senses of humor wound up with more candy. I don’t know why we weren’t TPed or egged, especially by the older kids, but we weren’t and that convinced Gabe to make tricks his specialty.

The following year was the first in our own house so Gabe decided to kick things up a notch. In addition to offering canned goods, he also offered apples, the most shiny red apples we could find. You know how parents always tell their kids to throw away any fruit or homemade goodies that wind up in the loot bag because they’re all full of razor blades, poison, and meth? Gabe used that as his inspiration and filled the apples with scary nails so that they looked dangerous. He even carved evil little eyes into the fruits. We wanted to be honest about our attempts to kill children.

Eat these, my pretties!

And you know what? The kids LOVED it. So did many of the parents and Gabe’s apples are out there on Facebook pages everywhere. Probably.

Because Gabe got called-out on doing the apple trick two years in a row (who knew the kids were paying attention?), we had to do something different last year. We still had the canned food (for the smaller, more sensitive critters) but we augmented our tomfoolery with bits of dog hair rolled up in small balls and covered with pepper flakes, calling it “hairballs and fleas.” Also, Gabe had his own trick-or-treat bag and when he opened the door, he shoved his bag in kids’ faces and trick-or-treated them. Neither of these tricks got the reaction that the first year of apples received, but each still went over well.

This year we’re doing a bowl of worms and I’m thinking of giving out cat poop. If children freak out and parents take pictures, we’ll know we were successful.

It doesn’t end there, though. Come November 1st, we’ll have to start planning for 2013.


UPDATE! November 1:
Trick-or-Treaters: 240 ; Friends who hung out at our house to experience our weird Halloween: 7 ; Cat box cake: disgusting and successful ; Jell-O worms: unsuccessful ; Overall evening: FABULOUS!

Most phantoms choose a menacing black but MY phantom likes to wear blue.

Our 2012 pumpkins. And by “our,” I mean the pumpkins carved by our neighbors and us.

With the help of my furry familiars, I make a mean cat poop cake.


Filed under Adventures, In my backyard, My Dearly Beloveds

19 responses to “The word count for this post is 666! It’s time for Halloween!

  1. abrielolive


  2. Now I have some good pumpkin carving ideas to steal…

  3. I always make the kids do something for the treat. They must do a trick or tell a joke or sing something. the trick can be as simple as standing on one foot, (if a very small child) One year we had a young man do Hawk impersonations….awesome. Once we had a kid do a rap. It’s quite fun and for the most part, they like to show off. Have fun this year!

    • OH! Carol! I totally used to do that, too! You guys get a lot of trick-er-treaters, too, don’t you?
      See??? This is why Halloween is the best holiday – it’s legal to torture children for a whole night!

  4. normalfornorfolkblog

    Samhain is awesome in my house. I always decorate the house and the last couple of years we have had a dumb supper which was lovely. Sadly or fortunately depending on how you view it, we tend to get left alone & in 6 years we have only had 1 trick or treater. Maybe it is something to do with the Pentacles I have hanging in the windows all year I don’t know if I would go as far as to give the kids fruit with nails in them, the damage the little bastards managed to inflict on peoples cars with a plastic sword was bad enough……

    • A dumb supper? Like…you don’t talk at all during the whole meal?
      I’d’ve thunk pentacles in the window would bring MORE trick-or-treaters, actually. I mean, it’s really only logical, if you think about it.
      We didn’t let the kids keep the apples; we’d only made a few. Though, I’ll tell you, there were plenty who grabbed for them. They weren’t horrified at all. Brazen little monsters.

  5. Rai

    Those jack-o-lanterns look AWESOME!

    • Thank you! We have a bajillion to carve this year so I imagine they’ll be a little less…creative. 🙂 But who knows? Maybe we’ll get overly ambitious and have a one-night museum-worthy jack o’ lantern gallery!

  6. Oh my gawd! I think I love your husband. That is so freaking awesome! I’m pretty sure that we need to be neighbors someday. If I did something like that, the stuffy parents around here would more than likely have me arrested for child endangerment.

    • Well, it JUST SO HAPPENS that we’re trying to scare the neighbors to the west of us OR across the street from us out of town. So when their houses go up for sale, you should buy one of them and move to our town because it is an AWESOME town. Yes. I live in Awesome Town. And that is why people from other towns ship their children to our town for Halloween.
      And we really like Christmas, too. We even have Yule Log hunt! And a giant light-up star on the mountain.

  7. Are you my long lost twin? Dude. You Rick the holy HELL out of H’ween! I love it!!!!!!! I can’t wait to compare notes with you on 2013. We should be FB FRIENDS!!!

    • I AM your long lost twin! I’m so glad we found each other! My mom is going to be shocked. I think yours will, too, actually.
      YES! Let us be FB friends so we can look at each other’s Halloween pictures!! EEEEEE! Happiest day EVER!

      • k – let’s see…since I’m a BLOG CELEBRITY (in my own mind…) I think I shall give you my email address and we can exchange FB accounts and stuff and plan slumber parties and trade halloweeny stories. EEEEEP! I’m giddy. BOOM! THAT. JUST. HAPPENED. Y’ALL!

        • You’re a blog celebrity in my mind, too, so obviously…CELEBRITY!

          I have your address and now I shall stalk you and you will rue the day. The day, it will be rued. By you. But not by meee-heeeee! BECAUSE I WILL KIDNAP YOU FOR HALLOWEEN SHENANIGANS AND WE WILL GO TO JAIL BUT IT WILL BE AWESOME BECAUSE WE’LL BE IN COSTUME AND WE’LL HAVE CANDY!!!!!

  8. Have decided to follow your example and carve my first ever pumpkin this H’ween… I’m planning on stealing quite a few ideas from you actually. How far ahead can I carve it so it doesn’t go bad? I don’t want it growing legs and walking around.
    …or… maybe I do!

    • Dude, if it grew legs and shambled about, I’d tell you to carve it now. Howeve, they just get rotty and wet and it’s gross.
      How on earth do you even have pumpkins right now? Are they shipped in from the Northern Hemisphere? Because pumpkins don’t grow in spring.
      At any rate! Carve them a day or two before Halloween. If you can find a carving kit, get that – the little saws are so much better than a kitchen knife, though I do still use knives, too.
      If you have to carve more than a couple of days in advance, you can put a bit of bleach or vinegar in a sinkful of water and store your pumpkin overnight (face down) in the sink so that it doesn’t get wrinkly.
      You know to cook the seeds and eat those as snacks, right?
      And you can make pumpkin puree out of the leftover jack o’ lantern, even if it’s not a pie pumpkin!
      II’m so excited for you, carving your first ever pumpkin! You make me proud.

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