“I hate mommy”: A prelude to Mother’s Day

I’ve written, a time or two, about my horrible mother and the awful things she did to us (like lying about bread and telling us the bug museum was boring) Seriously, our childhoods were so miserable, so Annie-like, that Chris, in a fit of anger at being sent to his room for punishment, scrawled “I hate mommy” in mad black crayon of newly-learned letters on the back of his dresser. Mom discovered this act of rebellion years later when we were moving to a new house and she thought it was funny. She told all her friends and they all laughed because they were probably also heartless, evil people.

I recently had the opportunity to play Mom, which is like playing dress-up only with more responsibility, for a week. Noelle’s husband took her to Las Vegas for her birthday and I stayed in their house with their children and their diabetic cat and made sure no one died. Because, really, if you boil it down to the very basics, a parent’s job is to make sure no one dies. I totally rocked that job but in doing so, I had to reminisce on my own early life, had to remember the lessons doled out by my own awful parent in order to pass along wisdom and essential knowledge (such as: if you don’t do your homework, you can’t go outside and play with your friends)

All that thinking led to a shocking realization: while my mother was obviously abusive and mean, she sort of did a really good job at raising her kids. It took me this long to see that not only did we NOT die while in her care, but we can also do a ton of things that many of our peers don’t do. We’re a tough little pack of white-trash, redneck hooligans who can garden, preserve food, pluck chickens, cook food, balance a checkbook, budget a household, mend broken animals, whip out witty/scathing one-liners like we have hundreds to spare, overuse our vast imaginations, completely ignore trends and fashions and look good doing it, read, laugh at ourselves (and everyone else), and stand up for ourselves. We can do these things because we’ve been doing them since we were the ages Noelle’s kids are now. Back then, we also had to make our own lunches, clean the dinner dishes, wash and fold our own clothing, buy our own toiletries, entertain ourselves and a bunch of other crap that was supposed to teach us responsibility and self-reliance, though I don’t think that’s why we did those things. I think it was because Mom got tired of doing stuff for four rotten urchins and told us to learn to take care of ourselves. And we did. And we can. Because our mother taught us how.

Also – we are all very classy because we are apples who have fallen way too close to the tree.

Classy lady - Mom

Classy mother is classy.

Classy lady - Daughter 1

This is our mom’s classy daughter on her wedding day. Seriously.

Classy lady - Daughter 2

This is our mom’s other classy daughter who is probably going to kill me when she sees I posted this. But, hey, it’s on Facebook so it already belongs to The Internet, right?

Classy lady - Daughter 3

Also placed here without permission…and no, she’s obviously nowhere near as classy as the rest of us but, then, this one doesn’t ham it up as often as perhaps other family members, ergo, there are fewer classy pictures of her.



Filed under My Dearly Beloveds, My Opinions on STUFF, White trash childhood

6 responses to ““I hate mommy”: A prelude to Mother’s Day

  1. Noelle

    I will not kill you for that picture! I actually like it because it does not look like black cake frosting in my teeth, it looks like white trash tooth rot!

    • Yay for not dying by my sister’s hands!
      I’d forgotten I had that picture and when I saw it, I started laughing and then I remembered how funny this all had been and laughed even harder and then I had to go potty.

  2. Nic

    1. The entire opening to this made me want one thing: A Bloggess-esque memoir from you. Please tell me you’re working on this?! I need!!!

    2. Would you be interested in doing the #mywritingprocess blog tour??? It’s basically a thing where you answer 4 questions about your writing process and then pass the torch to others. Kind of like those blog awards EXCEPT better. Anyway, I need someone to pass the torch to, and let’s be honest, you and I were born to pass torches back and forth between each other. That and eat garlic. But no pressure! Send a brotha an email at thenicolasblog@gmail.com if you want in and I’ll send you details! (If you never respond at all, I will take the hint and never spam you again. Except for with actual Spam, like, in a can, in real life, if we ever meet. SO MANY COMMAS!)

    • Nic! Welcome to the comments section! You’ve never been here before and now I feel super honored and even a little shy in the “Awww, shucks” sense. Don’t worry, it won’t last long, it never does.

      1) No. No, I am not working on anything like that. But I AM working on YA horror. Kind of. I don’t know what it is. I have to get all famous, first, before I can get people to buy stories about myself. That’s what this blog is for, anyhow – stories about me. 🙂

      2) YES! I will write to you later (hahaha! Now I have yet another avenue with which to stalk you…though, technically, I already did. But it’s like you handed it right over with a giant sign that says STALK ME!)

      Spam (tinned meat) is gross. OMG, it is so gross. That is why I love it, but not to eat. Only to use as a prop of grossness. Or a trick on Halloween.


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